plays

fogblogger:

artalias:

viewtoakel:

cleapow:

girl-non-grata:

Husband animates joke about tortilla chips told by his drunk wife.

Pretty much the best thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

This is the cutest fucking thing I have ever seen in my whole ever.

I snorted.

WOW GODDAMN THAT WAS PRECIOUS IT MAKES ME WANT TO FLIP A TABLE

These are the jokes I tell

1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie.
2: Talk about your first kiss.
3: Talk about the person for which you've had the most intense romantic feelings.
4: Talk about the thing you regret most so far.
5: Talk about the best birthday you've had.
6: Talk about the worst birthday you've had.
7: Talk about your biggest insecurity.
8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of.
9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most.
10: Talk about the biggest fight you've ever had.
11: Talk about the best dream you've ever had.
12: Talk about the worst dream you've ever had.
13: Talk about the first time you had sex.
14: Talk about a vacation.
15: Talk about the time you were most content in life.
16: Talk about the best party you've ever been to.
17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with.
18: Talk about something that happened in elementary school.
19: Talk about something that happened in middle school.
20: Talk about something that happened in high school.
21: Talk about a time you had to turn someone down.
22: Talk about your worst fear.
23: Talk about a time someone turned you down.
24: Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.
25: Talk about an ex-best friend.
26: Talk about things you do when you're sick.
27: Talk about your favorite part of someone else's body.
28: Talk about your fetishes.
29: Talk about what turns you on.
30: Talk about what turns you off.
31: Talk about what you think death is like.
32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood.
33: Talk about what you do when you are sad.
34: Talk about the worst physical pain you've endured.
35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing.
36: Talk about your guilty pleasures.
37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with.
38: Talk about songs that remind you of certain people.
39: Talk about things you wish you'd known earlier.
40: Talk about the end of something in your life.

When I realized I was not my body, I became free.

(via caterinasforzas)

(Source: twitter.com)

—

(Source: freecocaine)

i understand that’s your form of showing affection but i’m just not feeling it molls

tho i’m definitely smelling it

yeesh someone open a window

what is up with me i just

i don’t even want to write

i don’t want to write with people

like at all

i kind of just want to curl up around what little i’ve written on my own and hiss protectively when people get too close

Morgana: move over merlin i need to find emrys

bullied:

i like online shopping and putting everything i want in a cart then checking my subtotal and laughing and closing the tab

lovequotesrus:

EVERYTHING LOVE

(Source: suicidenotecentral)

pixieneverland:

by 洋一

ellendegeneres:

Rosetta Stone has a new language - Whale!  Find out how you can learn to speak whale, right here.

hurricane-emily:

jimgaffigan:

Ladies I hope getting your nails done feels good because not a single man notices you got them done.

maybe

just maybe

women do some things for themselves and not just for men

what a concept

welp just ordered a bikini and a sundress that has eyelets because they make me feel pretty hopefully that works

i haven’t actually enjoyed wearing dresses in such a long time it’s kind of ridiculous

me: time for bed
stomach: LET'S EAT 15 CHEESEBURGERS WITH ICE CREAM CAKE AND POTATO CHIPS WITH AN ENTIRE TACO BELL ON THE SIDE
brain: HEY REMEMBER ALL THOSE WORRIES, IDEAS, ASPIRATIONS AND OTHER ANXIOUS THOUGHTS WELL NOW YOU DO
muscles: I HURT FOR AN UNEXPLAINED REASON LIKE ARE YOU GROWING DO YOU HAVE A DISEASE LOL IDK HELP
skin: LET'S PLAY A GAME CALLED ARE YOU ITCHY OR DID A SPIDER EGG SACK JUST BIRTH ON YOU
ears: THERE'S A JET PLANE 500 MILES AWAY ALSO I THINK THE NEIGHBOR IS VACUUMING
eyes: WOW EVER NOTICE HOW IF YOU LOOK CLOSELY INTO PITCH BLACKNESS YOU CAN ALMOST SEE YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE
mouth: IT'S DEATH VALLEY UP IN HERE
body: HAVE FUN TOSSING AND TURNING FOR THE NEXT 2 HOURS
me: ok